The Pizza Mystery On College Street

On Saturday at 1 a.m. Maya Goldberg-Safir ‘12 was en route to the Mill when she saw three freshman crowded around two of the “biggest sized” pizza boxes. Subsequently Ms. Goldberg brought one box at the behest of the freshmen to the Mill “where everyone ate it and did not get food poisoning.” Intrigued, she asked a friend from Rochester as to the source of the pizza and was informed the pizzeria was located next to his local bowling alley and about 3-5 minutes from his house. Through further research she uncovered that the women’s hockey team had in fact been to Rochester at an away game. After a texting conversation with her freshman roommate, Goldberg confirmed that the women’s hockey team had eaten pizza on the bus.

Across campus, Ken Grinde ’11 was on his own path to discovery. After discovering a third pizza box on College Street, Grinde was walking up the stairs of Voter when he encountered three freshmen (what up with freshmen triumverates). “They were like, ‘is that a pizza’ and I was like ‘yep, I found it in the street’ and they were like, ‘wow, do you go here?’ and I told them no, that I lived in town and worked at the marquee but ‘I’m nailing a girl upstairs. I don’t think its going to last long now’ and then I said ‘have a good night.’ And one of the girls took a picture of me and the pizza on her cell phone.”

Prophecy?!

Read on for an illuminating letter Mr. Grinde sent to the pizzeria. You can order online from Salvatore’s Here. If you have any information regarding the events of Saturday, March 19th, please comment.

Dear Salvatore’s Pizza Since 1978,
Earlier this evening, while crossing a road that divides my college campus, a black SUV carrying not a few youths drove at a reckless speed across a crosswalk, and dropped one of your pizzas in the road in front of me. I guess they must have picked it up, set it on the roof, and then forgotten about it.

What’s amazing is that my college is in Vermont, and you guys are in Rochester. This pizza traveled an incredible distance on the roof of some super forgetful youths, and of all places to fall of the car, your pizza decided to fall off right in front of me. It could have fallen out in the woods, in farm country. Statistically, for a New England highway, the chances of this pizza falling in any kind of civilization at all is almost nil.

Ten years ago, my mother and I had an argument about religion – I said that I didn’t believe enough in my heart to be a Methodist. She cried and cried and I tried to be something different, but in the end I decided that if I was going to change, it couldn’t be forced. My faith would have to find me. Tonight, my faith found me, and it was covered in tomato sauce and kalamata olives. Maybe I sound silly telling you this, but if you look at sheer probability of this happening, and then the probability that I would be willing to take the food, and that I would, at that moment, be hungry. Amidst chaos we find order, I think. The universe finds grace.

Thus, if you receive a complaint about a lost pizza, here is your proof that the complaining customer is, in fact, being honest (though I could say a word or two about their carelessness as youths!!!!) So they do indeed have circumstance on their side. That said, I’m not giving the pizza back. My friends are over now, and we’ve begun to eat it. We understand what this pizza means, we understand where it will take us. And I can’t in good faith return this particular item without citing breaches of inalienable American rights.

I hope isn’t too much of an inconvenience on your restaurant, and if it is, I apologize wholeheartedly. Know that this act of divinity has made me a lifelong supporter of the Clinton Avenue Salvatore’s.

With very best regards,
Kenneth Grinde

 

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One thought on “The Pizza Mystery On College Street

  1. On Tuesday, we found one of those huge pizza boxes in the kitchen lounge of Gifford 2, with barely touched pizza inside. None of us know where it came from. Just adding to the mystery.

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