Catch up here.
Episode 7: It’s My Party and I’ll Bang if I Want To
What happened on this week’s ep is unimportant; it’s what didn’t happen that made this installment particularly awk.
Thing that didn’t happen #1: Zashley. In the beginning of the show, Sam put together a simple equation: hot girl plus hot guy should equal sex. (This is one of many times that Real World viewers must separate real life from entertaining television- of course, not every owner of a nice 6-pack or pair of perky ta-ta’s has a moral imperative to get it on. But this is reality television! Who wants to watch two attractive people just read Mitch Albom books in bed?!) Zach freaks out that the rest of the house is “in his business,” talking behind his back about why on earth he’s not doing it with Ashley. His tirade against Sam doesn’t include another gay slur, thank goodness; he instead tells her to eat another piece of pizza (?). I think he intended to say something hurtful but couldn’t think of anything. oops.
It’s clear that Ashley is 100% ready and willing to take things with Zach to the next level. She even buys the guy a $500 pair of ostrich skin cowboy boots for his birthday! He, however, is clearly hesitant, and his upbringing may have something to do with it. Zach gets a serious talking-to from his pops, who had seen a clip of Zach holding someone (“I presume it was a girl”) too intimately. At their joint birthday bash end of the episode, Zashley share a kiss but head to bed without utilizing the SexBox of kinky toys that Frank and Nate had put together for them. Zach’s final quote of the night- every girl has a dad and an uncle and a brother, and that he thinks about his sisters before he pulls moves on a girl. What’s the verdict: is this admirable self-control, or is something amiss?
Things that didn’t happen #2: A normal conversational exchange between Priscilla and her ex-boyf. Sometimes I forget that there are cameramen watching every interaction in the Real World house…and then people like Dylan visit. Upon walking into the house, Geeksquad takes one nervous look at the camera and literally forgets his lines. Introductions that begin with “Hi, how are you?” somehow circle back to “Hi.” He starts commenting on decor. Eventually, he and Priscilla sit down to talk about their fallout, and it turns out they still have feelings for one another. As the two lie awkwardly in bed next to one another, Dylan glances up at the surveillance camera and the whole situation feels like a middle school dare. The scene cuts to commercials and it’s unclear as to whether the two really get freaky or just practice conversation starters under the covers.
Things that didn’t happen #3: anything else terribly important
Frank and Mike are still going strong, Alexandra gives great advice to her roomies, and Nate and Sam are less present than they have been in past episodes. Is this season doomed to civility, or will the drama return? We’ll have to wait another week to find out.