Finals and the Finale collided with equal and opposite force this week, twice-baking my brain like a potato. My apologies for an overdue recap of the Finale and a short recap of last week’s double feature! Read the full season saga here.
Episode 11: Tick, Tick, Cabo-oom!
In last week’s second ep, the gang took a south-of-the-border vacation from their vacationland beachfront San Diego mansion. Long, drunken, nude story short, Priscilla knocks back quiiite a number of bebidas alcohólicas and just wants to kiss everyone (horny, drunk straight girls! the plight of lesbians everywhere!) Zashley keep to themselves, while the other five housemates bond without them. The episode is still not available to watch online, but it will apparently be up on January 7 for when you’re bored at home and sick of watching WB11 reruns of Two and a Half Men.
Episode 12: An End to the Endless Summer
Before the housemates head their separate ways, they throw one last north-of-the-border fiesta. Frank and Nate are co-hosting a charity event at the House of Blues to benefit the It Gets Better Project, an organization dedicated to serving LGBT youth. Frank keeps his cool during the event’s planning stages, but pre-event jitters get the best of Nate, who in turn gets vreyyy druunknkk. He slurs himself silly onstage, leaves his housemates to run the silent auction by themselves, and is just about as annoying as the TERRIBLE band that plays the event.
The next day, Frank is hard at work on tying up loose ends after the event. Nate resists Frank’s demand for help, and a screaming match ensues, with Frank clad in a howling wolf tee and Nate wearing nothing but American flag compression shorts. Five minutes later, they’re back on good terms. Beautiful.
On the gang’s last day in sunny SD, Zashley decide they’ll try to carry their budding relationship into the real-er world, Nate gets an unsightly but meaningful tattoo on his arm, and Alex and her bandmates share Subway sammies with the homeless on Mission Beach. On their last night, all the housemates (minus Zashley, duh) snuggle together.
Then the sun rose over the real world house for the last time. Cue lots of goodbye hugs and goodbye tears. Cue hazy flashbacks to the summer’s memorable moments. Am I getting emotional or am I just sitting too close to the TV?
And then it happened…the credits rolled, and the Real World ended. Not having been a reality tv show viewer before this season, I had my expectations for sustained, high-intensity drama, expectations mostly informed by the high-intensity drama sustained for 30 seconds on reality tv sneak peeks. The Real World (mostly Frank) delivered expletive-laden freakouts every once in awhile, but this season mainly proved to be a successful experiment in cohabitation; Zashley kept to themselves, Sam never let anyone push her around, Priscilla never protested her role as permanent designated driver, and Alex just stayed out of the drama. No one even got punched! Or thrown off that balcony! My faith in humanity is mostly intact.
Some parting messages:
First, to Frank: thanks for keeping Wednesday nights interesting for us! Best of luck in the real world.
To the people that I evicted from the Crossroads Cafe tv lounge each week: Sorry.
To fellow viewers and to readers (if you do in fact exist): What a show, right? I often wonder what would it be like to live in a big building with a bunch of 20-somethings (and the odd 19-year-old), consume a whole lot of alcohol, support some charity causes, and explore sexual identity. woah….WAIT.