Sluts, Whores, Hoes, OH MY!

Naughty schoolgirl and Dirty Professor.

CEO’s and Hoes.

Police officers and the cheap prostitutes they pick up off the street.

Sound familiar? Maybe not the last one (which I made up), but at Middlebury (and colleges in general), parties in which women are encouraged to dress like sluts (whores, hoes, harlots, whathaveyou) for the sake of a theme in which the men are given roles of power (as doctors or teachers or business leaders) are so entrenched in the social cultural tradition that most people don’t bat an eye at them anymore. Some might feel uncomfortable or awkward about these kinds of parties, but they’ll usually just opt not to attend said party, walking by gaggles of barely-dressed women and the men who are feeding them alcohol without so much as a second glance. Nobody says anything.

But I refuse to believe that we as a campus of smart, driven, progressive students are comfortable with this culture. How are we allowing this to happen to our female peers? How is it possible that we celebrate situations in which women are reduced to nothing more than sex objects? You can tell me that it’s pretend or that it’s just for fun or that it’s a feminist reclamation of abusive terms, but there is absolutely nothing fun about a drunk 18-year-old girl in a bra screaming at the top of her lungs that she’s a whore. You can’t tell me that she enjoys that because I can’t believe that it’s true.

We have to do better. All of us. There is nothing safe and nothing normal about these kinds of parties. It’s shocking to me that the same people with whom I’ve had conversations about sexual assault and rape (the same people who not two days ago read the harrowing account of a survivor of rape from Amherst) seem to forget all about the statistics and the education as soon as the sun sets. They put on their suits or their mini-skirts and get blackout drunk and think that that makes it okay. But it’s not and it will never be.

If it’s true that we are the leaders of the future, leaders of companies and schools and families, it shames me to see how poorly we treat one another and ourselves. If women are told time and time again to come to parties wearing as little clothing as possible while supporting negative gender roles that generations of women have fought to reverse, we are doing nothing but letting down this community.

Tell me I’ve got a stick up my ass or that I’m taking things too seriously, but I’m done saying nothing. I will not pretend to be proud of a school where these kinds of parties are allowed to happen. How can we be role models if we can’t even recognize the disgusting perverseness of our nightlife? It’s time to break the silence, time to change a culture, time to learn respect and take pride in the intelligent, strong, forward-thinking students that we are.

I’d love to hear your opinions on this matter – let’s get the discussion started..

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18 thoughts on “Sluts, Whores, Hoes, OH MY!

  1. I think you’re bang on Cody, and I really appreciate the post, but I haven’t heard of any of these parties this year. Maybe it’s just the social circles I’ve been a part of…
    Without directly pointing fingers, can you provide examples of the parties you’re speaking of? I don’t doubt that they happen on campus, but I think that in order to promote accountability we need to openly talk about where/ when and why they’re happening.

    Perhaps with greater understanding about who is throwing the parties, we can try and encourage alternate themes. Everyone likes dressing up, but I couldn’t agree with you more – CEOs and Hoes parties are not the way to do it.

    Great topic. Great conversation. Thanks for raising this.

    • Those parties mainly happen down on ridgeline, I think – Tavern and the like. Pretty sure the naughty schoolgirl one happened during the first week of this semester?

      I agree, though. Maybe people justify dressing up and attending these parties by pointing to the stress and rigor of Middlebury life? That these parties give them a chance just to forget about analyzing gender roles and promoting social justice and just screw around for a night?

      I’m not defending the parties – I’m pretty sure I’ve never even been to one (at least not recently). But I’ve always been curious as to how Midd students look to blow off steam, and how our values seem to be fundamentally affected after 10pm on a Saturday.

      Good topic, y’all.

      P.S. alternate party ideas? Mitt Romney’s binder night? One night in Clinton’s Oval Office? Female teachers and the men who respect them? Just spitballing over here…

  2. “allowed to happen?” you want to regulate this? F you. People are free to dress as they like for a party and it’s not up to you or the school to decide for them.

    You do have a stick up your ass. If you don’t like it, convince your friends, if you have any, not to go to the party and have a different kind of party. Make it a good theme so others will go. Or sit and your room and brood some more.

  3. Cody, I also think you are correct on this issue. As someone who has been an FYC I have watched freshmen on their first post-orientation weekend at Midd get dressed up and head to the “traditional” naughty schoolgirl party. Some of them had no objections to the theme or the costumes, but it was clear for some of them the theme made them uncomfortable, yet at the instance of their friends they got dressed up and went anyway. While I do love a good themed party I definitely don’t think these these themes that seem to objectify women are “good themes” and I don’t think that dressing provocatively to go out needs to be a prerequisite for gaining the attention of your fellow party goers. These themes make me uncomfortable as a woman, and I am sure there are others out there, regardless of gender, who are also uncomfortable with this (something supported by this article)

    Perry,
    I don’t think anyone was suggesting regulating this type of thing, merely that perhaps we need to form a culture on campus where these kind of party themes are objected to on the grounds that they are objectifying women, and promoting negative stereotypes. While it is true that people are free to dress as they like for parties, that is personal choice. With a theme like CEO’s and hoes you are essentially telling people that they do not have a choice, and that they must dress in a slutty manner (because let’s be honest, who is going to show up to a party like that dressed in conservative clothing?) and given that sometimes there is only one big party happening on any weekend night it’s not exactly like people can just go to some other party with a different theme when they are dead set on going out, especially for underclassmen who are likely to be busted for holding parties in their dorms.

  4. My only comment is you’re making the assumption that, for example, the CEOs were all men and the gold-digging hoes were all women — which I don’t believe was the case. These monickers only confine themselves to social constructions of men and women to the extent that we allow them to. While I do believe in general that male and female stereotypes of women are too prevalent in our community I don’t believe that parties such as these are really the point of departure to launch this kind of topic.

  5. Its embarrassing that most of Middlebury’s parties are lame and awkward as fuck. Top 40 songs being played too loud on repeat. Horny students awkwardly trying to touch each other and the attitude that prevails is that one must “score” tonight.

    “Maybe people justify dressing up and attending these parties by pointing to the stress and rigor of Middlebury life? That these parties give them a chance just to forget about analyzing gender roles and promoting social justice and just screw around for a night?”

    If stress and rigor of middlebury life leads female students to “forget about analyzing gender roles” and instead fall back on media backed stereotypes of loud,dumb,naked it makes me very sad to be part of this middlebury life. Screwing around for a night does not mean becoming black out. Having a party advertised for sluts and hoes is funny if it you see the irony in it. If however the party is named that way by salivating nerds it makes one feel very uncomfortable.

    Good work Cody for speaking out on something that has been needed to be said for a long time.

  6. Hi Michelle,

    In response to your comment – I love that you are challenging assumptions of who can be a “CEO” and who can be a “Hoe.” However, I believe that intention is the critical difference here.

    If parties are set up in a way to call out stereotypes and are intended to be a “genderfuck” party, then they carry very different connotations than parties set up without the intention of challenging these pre-determined categories.

    In my mind, while “CEOs” carries notions of masculinity in our society, I agree that that our patriarchal system that puts men in positions of power can and should be challenged. “Hoes,” however, is a term that has been used to marginalize and oppress women. As such, intention is the difference between a party where party-goers are encouraged to either a) fall into historical models of oppressor and oppressed or b) one where party-goers are encouraged to challenge their notions of oppression, gender, and sexuality. We must also question who is being served by having such a power dynamic at parties – I think Cody does a great job of raising such questions in his post.

    We have to wonder whether our parties at Middlebury are taking the steps to think critically about these issues (and have fun doing it). Personally speaking, I enjoy dressing in drag and challenging gender norms in safe spaces. However, not every space on campus is so receptive. I hope that in the future our campus becomes a place where these discussions are embraced. Thank you Cody for helping make this happen.

    Sam

  7. Cody,

    I definitely agree with the issue that the theme themselves can operate to make many students uncomfortable. However in a smart, progressive campus that you claim we have, I also believe we are capable of making active decisions of whether or not to attend such a party labeled with a theme such as CEO’s and hoes. As an attendant of this party myself, I can tell you that oppression was quite far from the actual feeling of the party. Girls dressed as CEO’s, guys wore scant clothing, and everything in between could have been observed. I don’t mean to defend the party in any circumstance but merely to point out that we should be able to reason, before assuming, that the people hosting these parties are doing so in bad faith. It also could be the contrary that certain parties are labeled such as these and typical associations are encouraged. However I believe in an active choice and no one (I hope) is forcing anyone to attend any party on campus no matter what the theme may be. Should the fact alone that a theme of this kind be upsetting so much so the party shouldn’t happen in the first place? Maybe. However I also believe that we should also be able to trust each other and trust our own judgment that if such a party was happening under bad conditions, then we don’t have any coercive pressure to be a part of them.

    Again, I definitely agree that we lose sight of our bigger thoughts surrounding social issues on weekend nights, something that should change. I’m also not ignorant to the facts that bad things do tend to happen at parties, something I’m also just as guilty of for not speaking up more about. But next time, before attempting to assume that all parties of this nature are reducing women to mere sex objects, I hope that you try to gain the picture at one of these parties for yourself. As an attendant, I hope that I can speak for others in that we hosted the party in good faith so that we could operate in a safe space, as sam mentioned. I believe this is something we truly did.

  8. I just wonder what would happen if you called one of these girls a “cheap prostitute” you pick up off the street to their face.

    You’re making sweeping generalizations about an entire group of people whose attitudes and actions you find wrong. Who are you to tell people how to dress and how to act? I agree with some of your points but your exaggerations take away from your argument as a whole. You use two examples of parties on campus, but there are hundreds of other un-themed parties that girls show up to wearing skimpy clothing. People will dress how they want to dress, regardless of the theme of a party. Your moral outrage is startling, as is what seems to be your desire to dictate to others how to dress, behave, and party. Many people (women included) enjoy the way they party – what makes you qualified to tell them their actions are immoral and wrong?

  9. To all of the commenters,

    I appreciate and value your responses for a number of reasons—though they are not all entirely respectful, I think they show to highlight a campus with several different opinions on what is and what is not appropriate social behavior. I do not claim to be the moral voice on this campus in any shape or form, but I do, like everyone else reading or not reading this article, have an opinion on why I find these kinds of parties problematic.

    For me, the problem begins as soon as we start naming parties with, as Sam mentions, words that have historically been used to oppress and humiliate. When I think about the intentions behind deciding to call a party CEOs and Hoes, it’s difficult for me to imagine coming up with this name for any other reason than to have women wear “slutty” clothing. The title, then, functions to reduce the role of women to that of mere sex objects. And though, as Middlebury Senior points out, women are obviously free to dress as powerful CEOs and men are free to dress as hoes, I don’t personally believe that this serves to make these kinds of parties okay.

    For me, it’s not really a question of morality or immorality; it’s a question of safety. Many of you have pointed out (as did I in my original post) that if someone feels uncomfortable about this kind of party they have the option to not attend. But is deciding not to attend supposed to be a magical thing that erases doubts students might feel at these kinds of parties existing? I did not attend the CEOs and Hoes party, yet it looks as though I got pretty riled up (or morally outraged).

    And of course I acknowledge that there are groups of students who really enjoy partying this way and would not think about changing it. My only concern here is one of why. Why are so many of us okay with the idea of students (regardless of gender) dressing as (not like, which is another can of worms) sluts and whores and hoes, words that still to this day in many parts of the world are used to oppress women?

    These parties happen and will continue to happen—I wrote what I wrote so that people would stop to think about their opinions and stances on the issue, would question why these parties exist and how they came to exist in the first place. You never know the impact that the mere existence of something might have on someone—just because everyone in attendance at a party like this might feel comfortable and safe does not mean that there might not be someone who sees this kind of party as something isolating and troubling.

    Again, thank you for all of your responses. I’m glad that we can have this discourse and I’m glad that some of you have even been as bold as to use your real names (it’s amazing how powerful anonymity can be).

    Cody

  10. Hello,

    I am a graduate student at Syracuse University, and yes the CEO and Hoe-like theme parties happen constantly. While I attend the parties, I never dress in skimpy clothing, just not who I am. And I never receive attention from guys, I am constantly overlooked because I am not in bare skin. But that doesn’t matter to me, I go as who I am and I have fun. However I am tired of seeing women in bits of cloth parade around, getting drunker solely to be more confident at throwing themselves at guys, and the gentleman by day use them and treat them as objects. I’m not sure we can just regulate parties, our entire consciousness as a culture must shift. We are too drenched in a culture that says women are sluts and men are dogs, and we are constantly living up to those standards all because we want to have sex, and be accepted. I appreciate this article and am glad you are not being silent.

    We are also too ready to oversimplify the consequences of these sorts of interactions. Instead of taking a single moment to understand the responsibility we have as a culture, we trivialize and brush it off as “just a party.”

  11. Cody does a wonderful job expressing my own distaste with a tradition of college parties that encourage women to dress as sluts and men to dress as their patriarchal superiors. But I have a problem with how you open up a discussion on these sexist parties: Parties which encourage women to dress like sluts degrade women. We can’t let this “happen to our female peers.” Men are the ones “feeding” these “barely-dressed women” alcohol, and it is us, those “smart, driven, progressive students” who walk by such parties silently that are to blame. It is you, Middlebury, you silent ones, you domineering men, you silent women who reduce the slutty costumed woman “to nothing more than sex objects.”

    We decry the way in which these parties validate sexist roles, but you inadvertently align yourself with them. A commenter of Cody’s article said “I don’t think that dressing provocatively to go out needs to be a prerequisite for gaining the attention of your fellow party goers.” The problem is that we assume that those who dress provocatively are doing so, solely for the attention of fellow party goers.

    It is this misconception that alarms me. Because it is not raised only at night in the basements of social houses, but by us, in this post, and in this comment thread. Cody, the way you discuss women’s choices to dress as sluts, assuming that its resoundingly for the benefit of men, insists that a woman’s self worth is tied to her sexual worth, and that any choice in clothing automatically betrays her own attitudes towards her own worth. How can we try to change gender norms on campus if we begin talking about it in a puritanical, single minded, and judgmental way?

  12. Cory, you are forcing a correlation between slut, and those who dress scantily, which is very unfair to women.

    I think you are missing other reasons that women may dress scantily. The typical assumption is that they are looking for sex. To the opposite – what about the satisfying power and freedom that it brings them? There have been many recent high profile articles (TIME) and books (The End of Men: And the Rise of Women) published lately, that come to the agreement that this sexual freedom empowers women. Before women were told to dress more conservatively by men – and they obeyed – now they have the freedom to do as they please. Women, especially in the United States, have lower self esteem than in other countries. To the extreme – were the women who bared their ankles, “sluts”? Of course not. And of course I am not advocating for all women to dress scantily, there are downsides for a variety of reasons – as they do give off mixed messages. It seems to be similar to the general assumption that the more skin you show the more of a sexually ‘deviant’ you are or that one is repressed by society. I don’t consider nudists to be overly sexual, but people that have completely embraced themselves.

    But, the parties that have the word “hoes” in them? Do you see a difference in dress between how women dress at a named ‘hoe’ party and an unnamed ‘hoe’ party?

  13. I am currently the president of Tavern and have been actively involved in throwing parties like Naughty Dirty since the fall semester of my sophomore year. Given this bias, my main concern with your blog post (and the reason I am responding to it) is the way in which you portray these parties. You are casting them in a light that is drastically different from what the party atmosphere is actually like, and in so doing you are indirectly casting my members as individuals who allow dangerous levels of drinking and acts of sexual assault to occur rampantly.

    Middlebury has a very intense culture of stress about it. Students work very hard academically and because of that they need an outlet with which to decompress. When they don’t have an outlet to decompress that leads to what I consider even more dangerous situation for students. Sometimes decompressing takes form in letting go of all of the stress the week has brought you. Yes, sometimes this means drinking. Yes, sometimes this means yelling. But I have attended Naughty Dirty four out of four times that it has happened, twice attending as a normal student would and twice actually organizing and throwing the party. From my firsthand experience at each and every one of these Naughty Dirty parties since I have been a student, I can say concretely that not once have I ever seen a girl in a bra yelling “Im a whore!” or “men who are feeding them alcohol” while others stand by “without so much as a second glance.” And I can certainly say that if I or any one of my members saw someone that was dangerously drunk or being fed alcohol then we would immediately remedy the situation, and the fact that you think “Nobody would say Anything” I find appalling.

    While you seem to believe you have a great deal of knowledge about parties such as these, there are many things you do not realize about the Naughty Dirty party that was thrown on campus this year. For starters, Tavern as an organization has at least 6 EMTs (closer to 10 last spring) who for the past 1-3 years have spent their time working calls on campus based almost entirely on taking care of intoxicated students. Additionally, all of the people you see (or don’t see rather by not attending) working the front door, back door, and the bar have all been TIPS trained, which is to say they have all undergone training (mandated by the college) to detect dangerous situations such as the ones you incorrectly believe are ubiquitous at our parties and to defuse them properly. Additionally, there is a party host, or multiple party hosts (who have undergone even more extensive training) who are tasked with the sole job of making sure that we throw a safe party.

    The Naughty Dirty party that Tavern threw this year I consider a huge success, and will continue to view it as such. It was a party thrown by students for students, with the Tavern basement at full capacity for several hours and 0 citations given out by Public Safety to students, a number which includes citations for dangerous or underage drinking. If people were truly getting as black out as you seem to think they are then clearly we would not have been able to throw a perfect party at capacity for the entire 10 PM – 2 AM duration of the registered event.

    Preventing things such as sexual assault on our campus is going to have to come from the student body. Tavern and its members while throwing a party are doing everything that can to cultivate a safe atmosphere. If you want real change on this campus then it is going to have to stem from fostering a responsible and caring student body who care about preventing travesties such as rape from occurring within their community. Perhaps we can utilize Barrett Smith’s “social honor code” as a first step in the right direction to serve just that purpose.

    The fact of the matter is, the number of people who actually dress up for a “themed” party after the first or second week of school is incredibly low. Every time I have a meeting and we are discussing a party theme someone inevitably says, “it doesn’t matter no one dresses up anyway.” Other than Naughty Dirty, regardless of the theme of one our parties people come dressed as they please. The theme is there for the people “who want to dress up.” It’s blatantly obvious to people that regularly attend these parties that they don’t need to, and, in practice, the majority of student just don’t.

    Your blog marks the first time that I have considered the implications of our traditional party theme “Naughty School Girl, Dirty Professor.” In that aspect of your goal you have done a fine job. Yet, my goal at the end of the day is to provide a social benefit to Middlebury’s students so that they can blow off steam from their stressful week. If you attend these parties, it will be very obvious to you that oppression or any sort of sexist agenda is not present in the mind of any of the people at the party or those who organize it and chose the theme. It may, in fact, actually be the farthest things from their minds for all I know, and perhaps that is a cause for concern as you say. For that reason, I will consider such implications in the future when thinking about party themes. That all being said, greater is my concern with regard to certain things you seem to be not analyzing to a sufficient extent about your own claims, namely 1) why certain people dress scantily for parties 2) that we are all just “allowing this to happen to our female peers” 3) that people on this campus are reducing women to “nothing more than sex objects” 4) that people are “walking by gaggles of barely-dressed women and the men who are feeding them alcohol without so much as a second glance” and 5) that “Nobody says anything.” I think that each of these statements is far more complex than the narrow sense in which you employ them.

    To end on my true concern, you claimed in your blog, “There is nothing safe and nothing normal about these kinds of parties.” I am claiming in that regard you could not be farther from the truth, and by making such an assertion you are belittling significant, genuine efforts (efforts by my members that I am very proud of) made by Middlebury students to create a safe and beneficial social benefit within our student community.

  14. Most of what can/ought to be said has already been said here. I would just like to add my own two cents which is that the way we frame a problem determines much about how we construct our solution to it. I share a concern with Cody about the “slutty halloween costume” stereotype; I also share the concerns expressed by Zach and Mackenzie about the assumptions inherent in the original post; primarily because if we are to have a really open dialogue about the issues at stake, the imagery Cody used can easily become accusatory/inflammatory, distracting respondents from the question, which is “What is up with these outfits/parties? Let’s talk about it.” (I would like to interject here that while I agree with Zach that the original post contained some really far-flung language, these are not new stereotypes and Cody expresses very real and legitimate fears. I have entertained many of them myself, and I do certainly have more concern about these types of things in less regulated situations – registered campus parties at Middlebury College being likely more the exception than the rule for how these go? But I’m not a party expert, and it would be laughable for me to make that claim.)
    We have to acknowledge that discussions of this sort are going to push emotional buttons all over the place because humans are social creatures and Middlebury students are stressed, and we place a lot of value on how we spend our social lives. The way we party is connected to our upbringing and our values about life just as much as the way we dress on a daily basis is. Therefore, I appreciate Cody’s bravery in putting this out on the internet, and the dignity with which most have responded. I want to point out that we cannot pretend our discussions of this kind of thing can be separated from our personal experiences.
    As a costume designer and also as a person who contains a tension between the great desire to fit in and be approved of and connect and the contrary desire to rebel against “the norm” and be precociously, consciously and aggressively odd, the way we dress fascinates me. What I have learned primarily through my study of costume design and through growing through my awkward, aggressive teenage “I’m going to wear an Elizabethan dress to school randomly just to mess with people” phase is that while clothing tell us a great deal about a person, the same short skirt, low-cut blouse and tousled hair can have drastically different meanings and implications for two different people. Sure, some women flaunt their bodies in order to fill a void of self-respect. Some women may feel more powerful in a “sexy” outfit. Sometimes that latter is tragic, if it means the only way they feel powerful is through their sexual attractiveness. Yes, I often think that latter *is* the case with people whom I encounter. Sometimes *I* do that. Sometimes it’s just fun to wear a short skirt, and there isn’t much more to it than that. Personally, as far as “safety” goes, I’m not worried about women wearing too little clothing. I’m tired of showing skin automatically meaning you’re asking for it. I’m worried about the culture which still tells us we female/feminine-gendered denizens of H. sapiens sapiens are a) always in danger because we are attractive b) can’t be “sexy” without being “slutty” (both in terms of how we typically define what is sexy and in being able to dress in a sexy way without being perceived as someone with little self-respect. Someone somewhere recently posted something (great, specific sentence, right?) that said, “Rape is not a women’s issue, it’s a men’s issue.” Now, stepping away from the part where we assume rape only happens to women, I find this an important mind-twist to consider. The problem in our culture is not (and never has been) that women are not modest and self-respecting enough, or even that we have been oppressed and are victims, but that men are supposedly these untameable sexual beasts with no self-control—that is that we explain them away like that, dismiss the compassion and sensitivity of half the population and reduce our opinion of their ability to empathize and respect others to such a base level. WTF? I’d like to expect more of all of us, because we rise to our expectations.
    To bring this back to clothing and the original topic, I am certainly exasperated every year by the preponderance of “sexy nurse” “sexy policewoman” [Side note: I once needed research images and actual uniforms of policewomen for a costume project. Google image search “policeman costume” and you will get links to crappy cheap police uniforms which could pass onstage if necessary. Search “policewoman costume” and you will get links to crappy cheap dresses, or dress/skirt combinations that come with a pair of handcuffs and a police hat. Not useful at all. Not that I was surprised, but then what if I wanted to be a policewoman for Hallowe’en and didn’t want to go buy a real uniform…what does that say about our culture’s expectations? I don’t have a problem with an individual choosing and enjoying a sexy version of a policewoman outfit; I do have a problem with the fact that you have to look so hard to find any other option.] and etc. costumes at Hallowe’en. At this point I just would like to see some more creativity [not that it isn’t there, it just seems often drowned out by same old same old. And it gets old pretty fast. But I wouldn’t like to tell people that they’re wearing the wrong thing. I’d just like to get to a point where I feel pretty confident they’re actually making the choice to wear that costume because they want to rather than because they don’t think there’s another way, or because there really is a diversity of options and that particular outfit is just one way of playing and expressing and dressing up for fun.
    Personally, I have never worn a stereotypically “sexy” halloween costume, or been to a themed party like the kind here discussed. I have avoided both because I do not feel comfortable with the implications often associated with the “sexy” halloween costume, and while I *like* attention, I do not appreciate leering; nor do I enjoy large sweaty crowds of drunk people. I don’t particularly like being drunk, or the perceived notion that I can’t have fun unless I am. I have sometimes, however, felt left out and wondered what I’m missing — so many people seem to enjoy these things that I can’t help but wonder. At any rate, to be satisfied with myself, I don’t think I’ll ever wear a “sexy” halloween costume unless I am certain I am doing it for fun (and curiousity) rather than out of a misguided attempt to fit myself into a persona too narrow for my hips.
    Thank you Cody for beginning this discussion, and others for contributing. I think the most important thing, if indeed we are concerned about the issues which these costumes and tendencies are symptomatic of is that there is a dialog. [Please excuse that last sentence, it is very late, I don’t feel like making it better.] And thanks for reading all the way to the bottom of this unexpected essay. Goodnight!

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